Support Someone with Cancer

Ways to Support Those Facing a Cancer Diagnosis

When a friend or loved one is diagnosed with cancer, you probably have a million questions. For example, “What should I say?” Even, “What shouldn’t I say?” Or “What can I do to help?” For this reason, we have included a few suggestions to support someone with cancer, or someone facing a cancer diagnosis. As a rule of thumb, it’s best to listen and let them take the lead.

Here are a few ways to support someone with cancer

Stay in touch with them

No matter what, make sure to stay in touch by visiting, if appropriate, or keep in touch by telephone or text. Showing up is a sign that you are supporting them in their cancer journey. Just make sure to respect their boundaries and ask before coming to visit. Especially after the pandemic, or if there is an uptick in Covid, people may be reluctant to say they'd like company. Maybe a FaceTime is a good idea to stay close. See #6 for additional ideas.

Be a good listener to support someone with cancer

Sometimes people like to talk and sometimes they don't. If your loved one wants to talk about what they're going through, listen. Sometimes they just need to vent or get things off their mind. Or they may need to be distracted, and talking helps reduce the inner dialogue. Whatever they want to talk about, listen. Truly listen. Show support by letting them say what they need to say.

Send a card

This is a very important, yet often forgotten gesture. In the age of digital communication, a handwritten card is a sweet gesture that your loved one can save and look at when they need extra reassurance or love. Write something thoughtful and inspiring. You don't have to write much.

Connect them with a community

There are many communities that exist to connect and support those going through a cancer diagnosis. Connect them to a local or national organization to offer support.

Tell them how you can help - instead of asking how you can help

It's often much better to offer specific ways you can help instead of asking a vague question about what they may need. Going through cancer, or any type of health crisis, is incredibly stressful. This includes worrying about how to accomplish what's on their plate. Instead of asking, do something. This may include taking the dog for a walk, getting friends to pitch in on errands, or picking up a child from school. Taking the initiative to help is one of the best things you can do.

Pick up the phone to support someone with cancer

Some people feel that calls are important and help them feel less isolated. Constant visitors can be overwhelming for someone going through cancer. But a phone call can offer support without the stress of having company. Video chats or FaceTime can also be a good way to keep in touch. This is especially good for those who live too far away to visit in person.

Continue to offer support after the initial stages of diagnosis

It's normal to offer lots of support at the beginning, and then to fade off after a month or so. The person with the cancer diagnosis, however, is dealing with the diagnosis every day. A loved one still needs support even when their health starts improving. One way to do this is by recognizing a cancerversary. (Significant milestones in a person's cancer journey.) Honoring where they've been, and looking forward to a hopeful future, is one great way to offer support and love at all stages of the cancer journey.

Help around the house, pick the kids up from school, run errands

Keeping the house clean and getting dinner on the table become more challenging between treatments or trips to the hospital. Offer to run errands for them when you're running your own. This can include picking up a few things at the grocery store or pharmacy.

Go to chemo sessions to support someone with cancer

Going to chemo alone can get lonely. It's also fatiguing to drive back and forth. Keep them company or provide transportation. Sit and chat with them to make the time go more quickly. Bring a game or just sit and hold their hand.

Bring them their favorite food

A bite of a favorite food can make a day that much better. Bring takeout food from their favorite restaurant or cook a batch of their most-loved dish. Make extra to freeze. Keep in mind that cancer treatment can also cause changes in appetite and/or taste, so ask in advance what sounds good to them.

Try simple, special gestures that support someone with cancer

Sometimes the simplest things make the biggest difference. One new product on the market is the Random Acts of Kindness Deck. It offers 52 suggestions for showing random acts of kindness. Pick up a deck that provides good, easy-to-do suggestions. Another idea is to google gift ideas for cancer patients.

Give them something to look forward to

The healing power of hope knows no bounds. There is a quote that says, "Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible."

Respect their boundaries to support someone with cancer

Showing up and offering support is very important, but one thing to keep in mind is that your loved one who is undergoing cancer treatment may still need their own space. Listen to them. Do they talk about being overwhelmed by visitors or phone calls? If so, ask how best to respect their boundaries. Sometimes all it takes is recognizing them.

Love them

The thread running through all these ideas is love. If you're showing love with words and actions, your support will truly be recognized and felt. Another way to show love and support is to wear a ribbon in their honor. Personalized Cause offers ribbon pins and fabric ribbons that can be personalized with a loved one's name, date or message. Remember that showing love and support to cancer survivors makes their journey easier and the road traveled less lonely. Spread hope or love with a gesture of love pinned to your lapel.